Blurb
Jason Banning is a wreck. His leg’s been blown to hell in Afghanistan, his boyfriend just left him and took the dog, and now he’s back in his hometown of Pinehurst, Washington, a place that holds nothing but wretched memories…and Nathan Tull. Nathan Tull, whose life Jason ruined. Nathan Tull, who will never believe Jason did what he did for a greater good. Nathan Tull, whose reverend father runs the gay conversion therapy camp that Jason once sought to bring down—at any cost.
Nathan Tull is trying to live a quiet life. Four years ago, when Nate was a prospective student visiting UW, his world collapsed when senior Jason Banning slept with him, filmed it, and put the footage online. A painful public outing and a crisis of faith later, Nate has finally begun to heal. Cured of the “phantoms” that plagued him for years, he now has a girlfriend, a counselor job at his dad’s camp, and the constant, loving support of his father.
But when he learns Jason is back in town, his carefully constructed identity begins to crumble. As desperate to reconcile his love for God with his attraction to men as Jason is to make sense of the damage he’s done, Nate finds himself walking a dangerous line. On one side lies the righteous life he committed himself to in the wake of his public humiliation. On the other is the sin he committed with Jason Banning, and the phantoms that won’t let him be. But is there a path that can bridge those two worlds—where his faith and his identity as a gay man aren’t mutually exclusive?
And can he walk that path with the man who betrayed him?
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Excerpt
Jason saw Nathan as soon as he stepped out of his car. Nathan had been walking toward the office building, but stopped when he spotted Jason. Jason wouldn’t have been surprised to see him suddenly topple like one of those fainting goats. Then, he seemed to recover, and began to walk forward again.
“Can I help you with anything?” he asked, as though Jason was a stranger.
Jason resisted the temptation to look him up and down slowly. Pretty sure if there was a God, it was His idea of a joke to make Nathan Tull so damn fuckable. No starched shirt or ruthlessly gelled hair today. Nate wore a blue T-shirt that showed off tanned arms. His sandy hair was almost shaggy, the ends curling at his ears. His lips were parted slightly; clear hazel eyes met Jason’s.
“Hey, Nathan.”
“I go by Nate now.”
“Sorry. Nate. I came to see you, actually.”
Something flashed in Nate’s gaze. “I can’t imagine why.”
“To apologize.”
Nate regarded him warily. He squinted slightly in the sunlight. “To apologize for what?”
“For what I did to you,” Jason said. Face to face, the words were coming harder than he’d thought, each one threatening to undermine something inside him. He was afraid he’d trigger an avalanche if he had to look Nate in the eye for much longer. “I shouldn’t have used you just to get at your father. At this place.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me.” Nate stepped closer. “You didn’t force me. It was my own weakness that brought me to that point.”
“Weakness?” No, Nate had been strong that night. Brave as shit.
“I should thank you.” Nate rubbed the back of his neck. “You did me a favor. You made me see that I needed the Lord’s guidance and forgiveness. I’m a better man now than I was then.”
“Are you a happier man?” Jason asked sharply.
Nate flinched. “Yes.”
“Liar.” Jason stepped forward, ignoring the pain in his leg.
Nate stared at him, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
I’ve never read a book by either author and I don’t know if this was the best one to start with. I’m trying to separate my critique of their writing and story-telling from how I feel about the subject matter which is hard to do. The writing is good, the character development was outstanding. I’ve never read a book with more flawed characters than this…every one of them have a completely distorted view of the world around them and I don’t think I like any of them.
Nate is really messed up. He’s been shaped, molded and brainwashed by a hypocritical, bigoted, holier than thou man who has convinced him he loves him and those he ‘helps’ through the camp. What he’s really doing is destroying them. *Note* – With a book like this that fires me up while reading it I tend to write a review as I go. -> This sentence is one I wrote while reading the book that shocked me to read about later in the story. -> It makes me wonder how many kids committed suicide either while at the camp or after leaving the camp.* Nate’s father’s love is conditional. I don’t know if he’s delusional, conniving or really believes what he’s doing is for the better. It made me sick to read. I’m not sure Nate really ever figured out how he felt about any of this. At almost 80% into the story he was still spouting stuff about the camp helping kids and them maybe not leaving the camp completely straight. I would have liked to see him get some help – real help, counseling for sure.
Nate’s mother was another problem for me. She was a coward. She should have stood up to Nate’s father and protected Nate from the brainwashing, pain and self-hatred his father caused. When she finally does take a stand-ish, it’s too late…the damage has been done.
Jason was also a mess. He had a bit of a wild childhood that ended too soon which he never really dealt with. What he did to Nate was selfish and unbelievable…and not his place to do. I liked that he was trying to spotlight what was happening at the camp but he went about it the wrong way. I misunderstood the synopsis and thought he became a soldier in Afghanistan but he was a photo journalist. He thought he was trying to make a difference in the world. I think he was running away and trying to make himself feel better about what he did. I felt sorry for him as much as I felt sorry for Nate. He needed therapy/counseling too for so much of what he went through in his life and his skewed opinion of what he did and wanted to do. I don’t know how they can have a functional relationship without getting help.
I don’t understand what happened with Nate’s parents in the end and what Nate’s father was trying to accomplish. It’s almost like the authors were trying to make us feel differently about them. I didn’t like it and I still hate both of them.
The Molly character bothered me as well…I think we were supposed to sympathize with her but her comments expecting all LGBT people to be out and proud because it’s better for everyone was just wrong. Just like relationships with God are personal, a person’s sexuality is personal and no one’s business. It’s up to the individual to decide when they come out…not ANYONE else.
I can’t say I’m glad I read this book. Nothing about it made me happy or feel good and that’s what I read for. I didn’t like any character except for Rose. Take my review as you will…
About the Authors
Lisa Henry likes to tell stories, mostly with hot guys and happily ever afters.
Lisa lives in tropical North Queensland, Australia. She doesn’t know why, because she hates the heat, but she suspects she’s too lazy to move. She spends half her time slaving away as a government minion, and the other half plotting her escape.
She attended university at sixteen, not because she was a child prodigy or anything, but because of a mix-up between international school systems early in life. She studied history and English, neither of them very thoroughly.
She shares her house with too many cats, a dog, a green tree frog that swims in the toilet, and as many possums as can break in every night. This is not how she imagined life as a grown-up.
Connect with Lisa Henry:
Website: www.lisahenryonline.com
Blog: http://lisahenryonline.blogspot.com.au
Twitter: https://twitter.com/LisaHenryOnline
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisa.henry.1441
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J.A. Rock is the author of over twenty LGBTQ romance and suspense novels, as well as an occasional contributor to HuffPo Queer Voices. J.A.’s books have received Lambda Literary, INDIE, and EPIC Award nominations, and 24/7 was named one of the best books of 2016 by Kirkus Reviews. J.A. lives in Chicago with an extremely judgmental dog, Professor Anne Studebaker.
Connect with JA Rock:
Website: www.jarockauthor.com
Blog: http://jarockauthor.blogspot.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/jarockauthor
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ja.rock.39
Giveaway:
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