Jude tilted her head so she had to look at him. “You don’t have to carry the burden alone. I will be here with you. No matter what you want or need, all you have to do is let me know. If you need a shoulder to cry one, I have two. When one is soaked with tears you can cry on the other one. If you need arms to hold you, I have two open and ready for you.” Jude looked into Abby’s eyes. “You mean the fucking world to me. You always have. I don’t want you running from your problems when it gets too much for you. Let me help you. Let me help you. Let me in. I swear to you, I will be right here.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Abby said gloomily.
“Just talk right now. Let it out. We are here alone,” Jude said.
“I am just so scared,” Abby shrugged her shoulders.
“Why?” Jude asked. He wasn’t trying to be polite, he wanted to know why.
Abby sighed, “It’s a long list.”
Jude scanned the area and had an idea. He stood up and offered a hand to Abby.
“Come with me.” He smiled at Abby.
Abby took his hand. They walked off the pier and to the shore line that was littered with pebbles and rocks. Jude let of of Abby’s hand and bent down to pick up a rock about the size of his palm. He tossed the rock a few times and turned it over several times in his hand before he looked at Abby.
“These rocks are our fears,” he waved his hand and gestured to the rocks on the ground. “we are going to throw our fears into the lake.”
“You have fears?” Abby asked Jude.
Jude had always seemed fearless to Abby. Nothing could scare him.
Jude looked at the horizon where water met sky and said, “We all have fears. Some people are better at hiding their fears better than others. Some fear lay in the deepest darkest corner of our mind and don’t surface until we are forced to face those fears.”
Abby took in his words. She shook her head and asked him, “How is this going to help?”
“Hell I don’t know. It seemed like a fun way to bring our fears to the surface. I know throwing rock won’t magically make the fears go away, but it might help,” Jude grinned at Abby.
Abby rolled her eyes and picked up a large rock.
“No, not the heavy stuff at first. Let’s work our way up,” he took the rock from Abby and threw it back on the ground.
“I will go first,” He turn over the rock over in his hand. “This is my fear of spiders.”
Abby tried to hold back her laughter, but failed.
“Not fair you can’t laugh,” Jude gave her a mocked wounded look.
“Sorry,” Abby bit her bottom lip fighting the urge to laugh.
The fear of spiders is a real phobia. I am not going to run and scream like a girl. If I see one of those fuckers though, it will be dead,” Jude threw the rock into the lake.
Abby bent down and picked up a rock that easily fit in her hand. The threw the rock hard and shouted “heights’.
Jude gave her a smile of approval before he bent down for his next rock. This time clowns was his fear.
Abby knew all about that fear all too well.
Troy, Jude, and Abby had a weekly movie night. When Abby was thirteen Jude snuck in the movie ‘It’. Pennywise the Clown scared the crap out of all three of them. Their parents would have been pissed if they found out. They all swore they would never watch the movie again. Since that night Jude has always had coulrophobia.
They spent the next five minutes throwing rock into the lake. It didn’t take long before their smaller fear started turning into bigger fears.
Abby picked up a heavier rock. The fear made the rock seem bigger and heavier than it was. It was one fear she has always fear. She worked her ass off so the fear would never become a reality. “I will never belong anywhere,” Abby shouted and threw the rock.
Jude turned his head toward Abby, but decided to not say anything. He picked up a rock Abby was sure she wouldn’t be able pickup, let alone throw. He focused all this thoughts onto the rock. He almost forgot where he was and what he was doing. He threw the rock with as much force as he could and whispered quietly to where Abby almost missed his words. “She will never love me.” His shoulder slumped.
Abby paused and looked at Jude. She wondered who the “she” was. She had been gone for five years and had no illusion that everyone would stop living their lives because she moved away. Jude had a strong personality and everything he did was fueled by passion. Abby felt a tinge of jealousy toward this mystery girl. She also wanted to give him some kind of comfort.
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